Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. We’ve all experienced detours. Recently I’ve had a few, including a surgery with complications. That’s the downside.
The “up” side is a more fun. I had a bit part in an historical program at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church. If you wish to watch my “acting” debut, cue the video to about the 4:12 mark. May it put a smile on your face.
This weekend is my time to read the critiques of the Beta readers. If you hear weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth or if you see hair flying over the rooftops of Hagerstown, you will know that I have become a mad woman as I try to figure out how to get the last re-write done in time for publication this month. A September release may not be possible. Yet, I will give it my best effort.
Good thing I got that head shot taken before I pulled all my hair out. Not to mention the dark circles under my eyes from pulling all-nighters trying to meet deadlines. I don’t bounce back like I used to. It may take me a month to look human again.
I better make sure someone is doing a buddy check on me to make sure I haven’t passed out from dehydration or sleep deprivation. Face flat on the floor, tongue hanging out, random wisps of mad-scientist hair still clinging to my now-bald pate–isn’t that a scary sight?? Yeah, I’m glad I got that photo taken!
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Hi, sweet people. I owe you an apology. During August, I have been swamped and inattentive to you, to your comments, and more. Sadly, I remain under water with obligations and medical care until sometime in October. I want you to understand why I am behaving badly and not getting back to you when you write. Very soon, I promise to make it up to you and get back on top of things again.
I want to announce that I have started a Facebook page. Oh, heart, don’t fail me now. I swore I would never go on Facebook or any other similar strictly social network. Well, it seems that Facebook has evolved into more and so have I.
Since I am only, I don’t know, a millennium behind everyone else on the planet and haven’t a clue what I am doing, please be patient with me as the Facebook page evolves.
Finally I want to remind everyone who is interested in the FROM WRITERS TO PUBLISHED AUTHORS CONFERENCE on October 5, to get your registration in. The price of $60 for 6 sessions will rise to $75 in September. Why pay a penalty for procrastination? Be proactive and save $$$. Remember, lunch is included in the admission.
Click here to register:
Email acornbookservices@gmail.com or phone 304-285-8205 for more information.
You may read about the conference at http://acornbookservices.com/Writer_to_Published_Author.html
or see the brochure about the conference below.
In several Asian cultures, there is a mythological beast called the Kirin. According to Wikipedia, the Kirin heralds the arrival of a wise sage or illustrious ruler. It’s appearance is a good omen and brings the one who sees it prosperity.
Not only did I see the Kirin, but I kissed him when we discussed the late summer release of my novel Dead with Envy and my short story “Strange.” Seems that kiss had a powerful effect; the Kirin’s eyes blazed! He promised me lots of readers and a successful new career as a best-selling author. Wow.
He urged me to get cracking on my next murder mystery, One Way Ticket to Las Vegas. Alrighty then!!
I’m Sorry If I Offended You … Now Grow Up
By Lauren Carr
The year: 1508
Setting: Sistine Chapel
Michelangelo enters the Sistine Chapel with his paints and scaffolding. He has a great image in his mind. This will be his piece of art that will define him as an artist. The creation that he puts on this ceiling is going to put his name in the history books to immortalize him as a great master painter.
As Michelangelo is setting up, someone comes in. Spying one of the cans of paint, he asks, “Is that red paint you have there?”
Michelangelo says it is. The red will be needed for much of the paintings: for example, in the Creation of Man.
“Can’t you use another color?”
“No,” Michelangelo says. “Red is one of the primary colors.”
“But it is so offensive.”
“How?”
“Red is the color of evil,” the visitor says. “Evil is offensive. Therefore, red is offensive.”
“It is the color of blood, which gives us life,” Michelangelo says.
“Maybe according to you, but a lot of people don’t like the color red and if you use it you will offend them, which will make you and us look bad. People will think we’re endorsing evil.”
With a shrug of his shoulders, Michelangelo relents and takes the bucket of red paint out of the chapel. He is thinking about how he is going to adjust his painting when he comes in and sees someone else standing over the bucket of yellow paint.
“Is this yellow paint?” the new visitor asks with a glare in his eyes.
“Yes,” Michelangelo manages to say before the gentleman launches into his offense.
“Are you saying that we’re cowards? Yellow is the color of cowards used in terms like yellow-belly and—“
“No!” Michelangelo throws up his hands. “I just need to use yellow because it’s the base color in brown—”
But before Michelangelo can finish the second visitor hurries from the chapel while muttering about bigots and stereotyping of some social group which Michelangelo doesn’t have time to discern before a third person comes in to spy yet another bucket of paint.
“Is that green?”
“‘I need it for the Garden of Eden,” Michelangelo says in a firm tone.
“Why green? Aren’t you discriminating against the color blue? Blue has just as much right to be used for the Garden of Eden as green. Besides, were you there? How do you know the Garden of Eden wasn’t blue instead of green?”
A month later, Michelangelo finishes the Sistine Chapel. When the great ceiling is revealed to the public, they stare up in awe at the stark white ceiling high above. After all, after Michelangelo had eliminated all of the colors that offended anyone, all he had left was white—to which, one member of the audience commented:
“Did you have to choose white? White gives me a migraine.”
* * * * *
Recently, I received a review for Blast from the Past, my latest Mac Faraday Mystery, in which the reader opens with “Thankfully, this book in the series contained no insulting-to-fat-people characters.”
I did a lot of head scratching trying to figure out what she could possibly have been talking about. When did I insult fat people? Apparently, one of my followers had the same question because she went onto the site to ask the reader, who claimed that in one of my previous books I had presented a fat character in a derogatory manner. The follower came back to say that if that was the book she was thinking of, it was the character, not fat people, who was presented in a derogatory manner.
The fact remains, this reader was so offended by my use of an obese character in It’s Murder, My Son that she felt compelled to carry out her grudge by posting a negative review four books later.
In It’s Murder, My Son, the character of Betsy is a victim. She is sloppy and, yes, obese. Often, obesity is a result, brought on by low self-esteem. Betsy’s low self-esteem puts her into the perfect situation to be manipulated by the killer—who is slender and attractive, by the way.
Rightfully, it should be the skinny people posting negative reviews about me making them out to be manipulative and homicidal. In It’s Murder, My Son, I killed five skinny people to the one fat one. I mean, if I’m prejudice against fat people because I killed one—I must really have it out for skinny people!
So, what do I, as an author, do with future books? Well, I guess I can’t ever use fat people—unless they are the hero. That means I can’t have fat characters be victims because they will offend readers like this one. I also can’t use them as killers because I will be saying that fat people are homicidal maniacs—unless they are driven to it by skinny people.
In Blast from the Past, one of my murder victims has a problem with poor hygiene. Does this mean I have something against people who don’t bathe?
I guess I should stop using women, who happen to be fifty percent of the population, as murder victims. People may start to think I’m sexist. For that matter, I should no longer have the killer be a woman. Then people will think that I’m saying that women are bad people. Heaven forbid I kill a blonde woman—then they’ll think I’m prejudice against blondes, even though I am one!
Furthermore, I really should avoid using short people—because I will offend those readers who suffer from dwarfism.
In recent history, the world has become a great melting pot. Along with the melding of cultures and people becoming more aware of each other’s differences, sections of our society have felt justified in being hyper-sensitive and compelled to demand that everyone else—including artists—walk on eggshells in order to not offend them or anyone. Children can’t even pray in school because they may offend the one atheist child in the room of thirty students.
This post is not directed toward those hyper-sensitive readers who feel compelled to throw temper tantrum by posting negative reviews because their feelings were unintentionally hurt in the name of art. Nothing I, or any author writes, can change their perception. Rather, this is directed to writers who may fear being on the receiving end of such a tantrum when they have, without intention, offended someone somehow someway.
If writers bend to such criticism, they might as well throw away their laptops: All murder victims in mysteries will need to be white men (because they deserve it); and the killer is always going to be the white man (because they’re always the bad guy).
Mind you, these white men have to be of average height and weight.
I guess they can’t be bald either because you may offend those readers who are bald.
Also, they need to be heterosexual because you can’t offend the homosexuals.
And they can’t be Muslim because the terrorists will be justified in coming after you.
I guess you need to make them American because we are the great bad guys …
The end result would be authors shaking in their boots afraid to write, “It was a dark and stormy night,…” for fear of messing with Mother Nature.
Writers: Be bold. Be brave. Damn the hyper-sensitives. Once, while appearing on David Letterman, Jerry Senfield said that he offends everyone and if he hadn’t gotten to a particular social group, just wait, he’ll get to them eventually.
Just give me time.
[BTW: In The Murders at Astaire Castle (coming September 2013), I’m coming after the Werewolves.]
At http://getmerewrite.me/2013/05/24/3188/ Terry Irving discusses his decision to stop using a pen name. His post is serious and offers advice to writers struggling with the nom de plume issue.
My post, on the other hand, is a tongue-in-cheek look at fun pen names I could use in the future. As a start, I’ll mention that Terry Irving’s pen name is Mike N. Mauss, a combination of the names of his cat and dog. My list follows:
T. R. Fore (from a vintage sports car of mine, a Triumph TR4)
Jacob N. William (copying Terry and combining pet names)
Guard N. Gate (thinking about the entry to a favorite outdoor place)
Nita Paycheck (referencing my current financial condition)
E. Zee Sailing (my dream about making a bestseller list)
M. R. Byers (the good folks who help me make the bestseller list)
Ann O’Tate (for my obscure–or obtuse–works)
Why don’t you share some of your funny names with me?
Friends of mine live on a sailboat full-time and travel the Seven Seas. They have been throughout the Caribbean, all around the coast of South America, to Africa, and are presently moored in Australia, while taking a brief trip home to help aging parents.
The couple is a husband-wife writing duo. The wife also authors a blog called “Just a Little Further” (www.justalittlefurther.com), sharing the adventures and mis-adventures of life aboard a sailing vessel.
In a recent post, my friend Marcie talks about nomophobia. Here’s an excerpt from her humorous look at what ails modern society:
“Yes, yet something else to worry about: nomophobia. It’s a fear of being without mobile phone contact … NO…MObile..PHOne…phobia. The term was coined in the UK when it was determined by a study that people who lose their phones, run out of battery power or don’t have network coverage, suffer the same anxiety that folks suffer when heading to the dentist’s office or getting married. Yikes!
“More than half the people (in the study anyhow) never ever turn off their mobile phones. Really? More often than not, we forget to turn ours on. I’ve been using my mom’s phone since I got back into the States. When I do remember to charge it and then turn it on, I forget to take it with me when I go out. . .”
I fall into the same category as Marcie; I seldom turn my phone on, or I forget to take it with me. It really bothers the nomophobes in my life. As an author who is soon to be published, I guess I better prepare for the onslaught of literary page editors who will be ringing me up for an interview. I better practice turning the phone on and putting it in my pocket.
Oops. Then I’ll need a publicist to manage all the pocket dialing that is bound to occur. I can see the headlines now.
New Author Arrested for Making Harassing Phone Calls
New Author Caught Dialing and Hanging on the Line Without Saying a Word
New Author’s Pocket Calls Lead to Embarrassing Moments
Come to think of it, I better leave well enough alone. I’ll have to settle for missing a call now and then. I’ll leave the worry about those missed calls to the phone addict on the other end of the line.
Me? I’ll be calling my own cell number with my land line and wandering around the house listening for the ring. That’s if the battery is still charged on my misplaced cell phone.
Guest Blog by Lauren Carr
Ten Advantages to Having a Mystery Author for a Friend (in person or on Facebook).
So make a Mystery Writing friend today! I’d love to make your acquaintances at any of my sites:
Websites:
Blog: Literary Wealth:
http://literarywealth.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lauren.carr.984991
Gnarly’s Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/GnarlyofMacFaradayMysteries
Twitter: @TheMysteryLadie
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE ABOUT LAUREN CARR’S NEW BOOK BLAST FROM THE PAST: Blast from the Past Press Release
a little about
Lauren Carr
Author/Publishing Management
Lauren Carr fell in love with mysteries when her mother read Perry Mason to her at bedtime. The first installment in the Joshua Thornton mysteries, A Small Case of Murder was a finalist for the Independent Publisher Book Award.
Lauren is also the author of the Mac Faraday Mysteries, which takes place in Deep Creek Lake, Maryland. It’s Murder, My Son, Old Loves Die Hard, and Shades of Murder, have all been getting rave reviews from readers and reviewers. Blast from the Past is the fourth installment in the Mac Faraday Mystery series.
Released September 2012, Dead on Ice introduces a new series entitled Lovers in Crime, which features prosecutor Joshua Thornton with homicide detective Cameron Gates. The second book in this series, Real Murder will be released Spring 2013.
The owner of Acorn Book Services, Lauren is also a publishing manager, consultant, editor, cover and layout designer, and marketing agent for independent authors. This spring, two books written by independent authors will be released through the management of Acorn Book Services.
Lauren is a popular speaker who has made appearances at schools, youth groups, and on author panels at conventions. She also passes on what she has learned in her years of writing and publishing by conducting workshops and teaching in community education classes.
She lives with her husband, son, and two dogs on a mountain in Harpers Ferry, WV.
For Immediate Release
Contact: Lauren Carr
(304)285-8205
E-mail: acorn.book.services@comcast.net
Website: http://mysterylady.net
The Past Comes Back with a Blast
In Blast from the Past, Mac Faraday finds himself up to his eyeballs in mobsters and federal agents.
After an attempted hit ends badly with two of his men dead, mobster Tommy Cruze arrives in Spencer, Maryland, to personally supervise the execution of the witness responsible for putting him behind bars—Archie Monday!
Mac Faraday believes he has his work cut out for him in protecting his lady love from one of the most dangerous leaders in organized crime; but when bodies start dropping in his lakeshore resort town of Spencer, Maryland, things may be hotter than even he can handle.
In this fourth installment in the Mac Faraday Mysteries, readers learn more about Archie Monday’s past in a flash—as in a gun fight when the syndicate comes to town. “Readers love to be surprised,” mystery author Lauren Carr says. “In Blast from the Past, they are going to be surprised to discover the secret of Archie Monday’s past, which threatens her and Mac’s future.”
Blast from the Past also takes the Mac Faraday Mysteries to a new level as his relationship with Archie Monday moves onto a whole new level. “I do listen to readers,” Carr explains. “They have been clamoring for Mac and Archie to get together for three books.”
What about Gnarly, Mac Faraday’s canine inheritance—the only German shepherd to be dishonorably discharged from the United States Army? “It’s not a Mac Faraday Mystery without Gnarly,” Carr promises. “Let’s just say Gnarly kicks things up a notch in his own way.”
Available through: CreateSpace, Ingram, Baker & Taylor,
Barnesandnoble.com, Amazon.com, and Everywhere Fine Books are Sold
About the Author
Lauren Carr is the author of the Mac Faraday Mysteries, which takes place in Deep Creek Lake, Maryland. It’s Murder, My Son, Old Loves Die Hard, and Shades of Murder, have all been getting rave reviews from readers and reviewers. Blast from the Past is the fourth installment in the Mac Faraday Mystery series.
Also receiving rave reviews, Dead on Ice, released September 1012, introduced a new series entitled Lovers in Crime, which features prosecutor Joshua Thornton with homicide detective Cameron Gates. The second book in this series, Real Murder will be released Spring 2013.
ISBN: 0985726776 • ISBN-13: 9780985726775 Pub. Date: January 11, 2013 • Trade Paperback/Kindle • $13.99 (Print)/$0.99 (EBook)
I awakened early this morning, about four hours early, before the birds or the sun were up. I read for a while, seeking a jumpstart on my day through inspiration. I got nothing. I ate breakfast, fed the dogs, loaded and ran the dishwasher, loaded and ran the washing machine, dressed for the day. Still nothing.
At this point, I ponder my options.
I have 4,000 words of a 7,000 word story completed. I have half a novel completed. The Writers of the Desert Rose Cafe has started the next anthology, a Christmas themed one this time. I haven’t started my taxes yet. I can work on any of these projects and be productive. Yet I can’t muster the energy to start anything.
My shoulder hurts. I am almost three weeks post-surgery. I want to blame my lethargy on the pain, but it would be a ruse. The fact is I am in a funk.
Now what?
Recently I wrote about my Uncle Dick and his family newsletter that he sends out monthly. The new one sits on the ottoman in front of me. I open it and read.
About page two, I chuckle to myself while reading a humorous commentary Uncle Dick has borrowed from the Time Union. Afterwards, I grab the computer and start this post. It’s progress. At least I have written almost 300 words today. And it’s not yet 9 o’clock in the morning. So there’s still hope to get something done and scratched off the to-do list. Right now, I am happy for a belly laugh and 200+ words.
Fay Moore: I Want To Be a Writer 