Control Freak–Are You One?

If this is a page out of True Confessions, then I confess: I can be a control freak. Being one has merits at times: I tend to complete the tasks that are important to me. I organize my life. Life generally works out well But the down side is I can run off everyone I love in the process.

Shelley Prevost of Inc.com offers eight ways to tell if you are a control freak:

 

• You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you’d be happier. So you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.

• You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don’t believe in imperfection and you don’t think anyone else should either.

• You judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.

• You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.

• You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you.

• You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.

• You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.

• You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others

I am not suggesting you change yourself. A leopard can’t change its spots. Rather, I urge you to be aware of yourself so you can temper your behavior when your behavior is riding roughshod over others whom you love. Or work with. Or need to play nice with. Like editors or literary agents or reviewers. Knowing when to rein yourself in is a highly desirable trait.

IMHO, many successful people are control freaks. It is part of a set of characteristics that enable one to rise about average performance. So use the attributes in ways that help you achieve your goals while making the world a better place for someone other than yourself. Thinking that way may help you balance things out–or keep peace in the home, office or social setting.

 

The Psychology of the Sociopath as Minion

I’m obsessed with bad guys because I love writing about them. In order to write about them, I learn about them. I study where and how they live.

In science fiction or historical stories, there is ALWAYS the character that stands out for his willingness to oppress others on behalf of the boss. In exchange for doing the dirty work, the story’s minion receives a benefit, usually a modicum of power or an elevation of status or income.

The current TV character who comes to mind is Captain Tom Neville, played by actor Giancarlo Esposito. Neville is a former insurance adjuster turned militia leader under bloody General Monroe in TV’s saga Revolution. Neville will turn on his peers, getting them tortured and demoted, to advance himself. Yet he is fearful without the structure and protection offered him by Monroe.

As an author, it is important to be accurate when writing about the personality. Although the variety of personalities is numerous, the personality type is fairly fixed.

So what does psychology say about these overzealous minions? What are common traits among sociopath sycophants?

In the normal work-a-day world, he will likely screw-up regularly or use chaos to camouflage his childish character. He is seen as sleazy in the community or office. He will set aside morality or abandon principle if it is to his advantage to do so. He is drawn to a culture of corruption where questionable acts done on behalf of superiors advance his status.

Once he is given authority, he will demand respect from those under him, even if he doesn’t deserve it. He savors weakness in others. He will use title or force to exact submission from the weak under his jurisdiction. Show defiance to his authority and reap the consequences of his ire. He will abuse those weaker than himself.

There is no room for discussion or disagreement. It is his way or off with your head. In the face of reason, this minion will attack. Yet to preserve himself, he will avoid conflict with someone who may best him.

This character loves rules, regulations, and rigid structure. He seeks total control of his environment. He will twist the legal system to fit his own logic. He loves to force compliance on others.

Behind the facade of power, the sociopath minion is a follower, unable to operate without an elaborate system or leader to guide him. He is cowardly at his core: a follower, not a leader. The more bureaucracy clutters the landscape, offering him regulations to twist or hide behind, the better. He likes the smokescreen of obfuscation.

The minion draws his power from the ruling entity. Therefore, he supports the powers that be wholeheartedly. He disregards the rights or unique value of the individual. Control is easier to maintain in the absence of individualism. Therefore, he prefers the group mentality and will promote that sort of thinking. He cannot imagine functioning without an establishment to direct him. His self-identity comes from being part of it, not independent of it.

The sociopath as minion may wear a state uniform and wield power by turning in citizens for minor infractions of the rules. A tyrant or an oligarchy relies on him to grab and maintain control. He relishes being useful to and part of the machine. He is obsessed with continuing the power that gives him meaning. No bad act by those ruling will shake his devotion. He is a willing tool in the hand of his master.

Portions of trait description adapted from Brandon Smith of Alt-Market 

Update on the Hubby

Yesterday Hubby went through a catheterization of his heart in preparation for open heart surgery. The heart surgeon needs to know what’s going on in Hubby’s heart prior to cracking his chest. The goal is to keep surprises to a minimum.

Good news: all his pipes are clear, except one. There is 40% blockage in one blood vessel. According to the cardiologist who did the procedure, doctors don’t worry about blockages until they hit 70% or more. More good news: after heart surgery, other vascular issues that have the potential to be life threatening will likely resolve to manageable proportions. Hubby will take lots of medication, but his life will no longer be at risk.

Isn’t it amazing to live in the age of high technology? Hubby has a familial history of early death due to heart issues. His condition has a genetic link. He’s fortunate; modern medicine is saving his life.

His future (notice I speak with certainty) will include blood thinners, diet changes and exercise. A little weight loss won’t hurt either.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

As authors, we are always looking for unique ways to make our stories stand out. One way to achieve that is to weave weird facts into the story line. Here are a couple to show you what I mean.

First, persons with a go-getter personality — dominated by ambition, logic and decisiveness — are likely to have a ring finger that is longer than his or her index finger. Why? The long fourth finger is an indication that this person was exposed to a higher than average amount of testosterone en utero, according to author Dr. John T. Manning of Rutgers University. He covers the subject in his book Digit Ratio.

Second, women change their taste in men based on their hormone levels. Researcher Tony Little found that women taking birth control pills tend to choose men with pronounced masculine features. The manly traits indicate a higher testosterone level, which is also linked to aggressive behavior and a higher than average likelihood of divorce.

Finally, an adrenaline rush can make the sparks fly between partners. Research by Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton prove it. They found doing something daring together increases the odds of bonding with your date. In one study, male subjects were asked to cross either a shaky or sturdy bridge to speak to an attractive female “researcher”  who provided the male subject her phone number. Those men who met the female after the shaky bridge crossing were more likely to follow-up with a phone call and an invitation to go out together. The exhilaration of being in a risky situation together increases attraction.

Who knew?